Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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