When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
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oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
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I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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