I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
