I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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