Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
