i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
