here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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