Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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