What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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