I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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