First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
