I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
