Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...