I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
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i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
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Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!