you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.