dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.