sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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