wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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