It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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