that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
false alarm, still single
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
