So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
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The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
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His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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