Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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