mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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