I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize