He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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