The maid of honor just puked.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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