my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
