Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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