I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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