I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize