running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
