I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize
