if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
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