i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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