I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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