i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
whose parrot is this?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
