theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
