I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
