pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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