How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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