During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
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I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
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Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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