What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
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But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
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Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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