So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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