i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
