Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
