Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
