can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
