Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
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My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.