break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"