People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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