afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.