we have pet lesbian snakes
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage