So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My dick has a subreddit
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes