At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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