I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.