I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.