Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.