Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.