New invention idea: vibrating tampons
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.