Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
