I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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